Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Weekend Teasers NFL Week 12

NFL WEEK 12Kerri the Kid


video


Green Bay@XLions
DolphinsX@Cowboys
49ersX@Ravens
BillsX@Jets
Browns@XBengals
Texans@XJaguars
VikingsX@Falcons
Cardinals@XRams
Panthers@XColts
Buccaneers@XTitans
Redskins@XSeahawks
BearsX@Raiders
Patriots@XEagles
Broncos@XChargers
SteelersX@Chiefs
Giants@XSaints


The Church of Norman Chad


This is the modern day Redskins-Cowboys rivalry. 
How F'ing Sad

Due to the MAN not counting my win with the BYE over the Colts and countless wins over the Terps, my record looks like one of LeRoy’s ho’s – awful from far away, even worse up close.
Dolphins -7 over Cowboys.  Buzz around town – “knock down that Marino statue for a new, shiny, Matt Moore one”
Under 43.5 Rams-Cardinals.  These two teams just plain hate each other.  The current and former Mr. Saint Louis are going to rumble like the Jets and the Sharks.  Do they realize they are fighting over St. Louis???
Patriots -4 over Eagles.    Vince Young and the Eagle Dream Team join the Miami Heat Dream Team with nothing to do in January.
Steelers -9 over Chiefs.  Kc’s last 3 games.  31-3 to winless Miami, 17-10 to QB-less Denver, and 34-3 to defenseless New England.  Chiefs can’t score 11 against Maryland – there is no chance they will against Pittsburgh!
49ers +3.5 over Baltimore.  “The Battle of Brothers”  The little one always gets his way when he goes cryin’ to mommy!
BONUS:  Wake 31, Maryland 10.  What a happy Homecoming for the Deacons!  This week Tar Heels are -13.  I would be tempted if Lefty could fire up the troops to beat Dean and his boys.  Wait a sec - this is football – Maryland is paying for my Vegas trip !!!!
Leroy the Locksmith

Sunday, November 20, 2011

WEEK 11

CHRUCH OF NORMAN CHAD


 


Due to my incredible performance during the World Series of Poker I am with Minnie Mouse in Disney this week – all expenses paid!  If you take my football picks you too can win a trip.  I hear Lorton, Virginia is beautiful this time of year.

Jets -4.5 over Broncos.  Would you rather have Tim Tebow or Rex Grossman?  Answer: Grossman.  You know you need a new QB if you are the Redskins.  Bronco fans all say the same thing “Yeah, but he’s 3-1 as a starter”  So were the Redskins as they finish 3-13.
BYE -2 over Colts.  Colts NFL to see if they could get a forfeit.
Dallas -7.5 over Redskins.  Seriously the crowd will be 80% Cowboys.  RIP Jack Kent Cooke.  I don’t know what you would say if you say the current team.
Giants -3.5 over Eagles.  “Andy Reid should be fired”  I think we are missing great sports radio right now in Philadelphia.  Eli Manning known to annoy teammates blowing bubbles in the huddle.
Packers – 13.5 over Bucs.  Things are going well when Matt Flynn is doing the Lambeau Leap.
BONUS – Rejoice Maryland fans – Wake Forest Week is here.  Senior Day, Homecoming is here.  What? It’s AT Wake Forest????















LEROY

Hello there Children,
Leroy is a little busy 'dis weekend moving one of his bitches but found some time to bring you your Week 11 NFL locks. After a WINNING !!! weekend last Sunday, I promise an even MORE profitable one this time. So  let's quit fuckin' around and get to it...

-Buffalo (+3) @ Miami
In honor of my Buffalo ho shacking up with the pimp daddy, we gonna give these boyz one last chance ...Miami beat the Shitskins last week.,,what an accomplishment !!
take the Buffalo MONEYLINE !

-Carolina (+7) @ Detroit
Like Buffalo, the wheels are cumming off for the Lions....what did you expect from a car made in Detroit. But never let it be said Leroy don't luv American cars .....got a Caddy baby...!!
lay the 7 and take DETROIT !

-Cinnci (+7) @ Baltimore
Cinnci showed you last week that they are a fraud...and the Ravens can only beet teams in their division..
lay the 7 and take Baltimore !

Dallas (-8) @ Washington
A homo vs. a Grossman...put them together and what have you got???
A gross homo!!! (and a gross game)
take the UNDER 42 !

Until next week... Happy Gambling

Leroy

Saturday, November 12, 2011

WEEK 10

THE CHURCH OF NORMAN CHAD

















“You are the Greatest Norman!  Thanks for the winners!”
NFL  for the rest of the season plays games every THURSDAY.  The last Sunday of the season, January 1st used to be considered the Superbowl of College Football.
By 2015 the Master Plan of the NFL is to have a game every night of the week.
LeRoy might have some ‘hoes – but He don’t have no high dollar bitches like this!!!!!!!!!!!!
Titans +3 ½ over Panthers.  Look for the Panthers to be the 2012 Team of Destiny.  In 2011 they are 2-6!

Dolphins -3 over Redskins.  Matt Moore now dating Tony Sparano’s daughter.  The loser of this game is really the winner… it will take a few months to realize that.
OVER Saints-Falcons 50.  Defenses told game starts at 4pm.
Lions +3 over Bears.  NFC North petitioned league to be voted “Sexiest Division”
Vikings +14 over Packers.  Packers have the greatest Fan Superbowl Dance.  Check it out
http://www.nesn.com/2011/11/packer-rock-anthem-features-aaron-rodgers-look-alike-goes-viral-in-cheesehead-nation-video.html
BONUS: After losing a home closer- than-the-score-indicates 31-13 game to UVA(Shutout in 2nd half!), Maryland gets to use their big brother’s car and play Notre Dame at Fed-Ex Field.  Terps asked NCAA “How do we get the +21 Vegas if offering on the scoreboard?”  Irish players practiced touchdown dance to get ready for this humdinger!
 

LEROY

Hello there children,
Leroy back again for your Week 10 NFL locks. I have always said....it's hard out here for a pimp!!! And these shitbag teams aren't helping my cause. I said last week was about the heartbreak teams and except for the JETS (which, because of by Buffalo bitches, I had inside info on) they ALL broke my heart. Not this week though.......I am GUARENTEEEEEEEING a winning weekend $$$$$ !!! So here we go.....

-Buffalo (+5 1/2) @ Dallas
 I must say, my Buffalo bitches were a little bitter that I picked against their team last week. Pussy is one thing.....but a buck's ANOTHER. I will throw them a bone(r) this week though...but only because they are visiting the Homo.
take the BUFFALO MONEYLINE !

-N.Y. Giants (+3 1/2) @ San Francisco
 the 49ers SUCK ASS!!!! They BARELY beat the Shitskins. 
take the GIANTS MONEYLINE !

-New England (+1 1/2) @ JETS
 Welcome to the NEW NFL. One week you win...one week you lose. Jets won last week and the Pats lost.
take the NEW ENGLAND MONEYLINE !

-Washington (+4) @ Miami
 in honor of the remake of "The Thing" let me give you one of the many famous quotes from that classic film......."You gotta be fucking kidding me!!!!!" Shitbag vs. Cumstain....no one wins. They should both just call it an afternoon and head to the beach for some beeches!!!
take the UNDER 40 1/2 !

Until next week,
Happy Gambling
Leroy

Friday, November 4, 2011

NFL Teasers Week 9

Church of Norman Chad

The San Diego Chargers, my Team of Destiny, literally gave the game away last Monday.  Joe Pisarcik must be smiling.  Is this a test of my love?  The Superbowl Champions and undefeated Green Bay Packers come to our house and are 5 ½ point favorite!  This is like my ex-wife coming over for Christmas and taking my presents!!
“Wham-buzzled!”
Watch this Sunday as I star in the November 9 World Series of Poker live on ESPN 2 followed by the shortened version on ESPN Tuesday night.  Kids these days are so reckless.
Chargers +5 ½ over Packers.   If this game was in December, Packer players would defect to the beaches of San Diego and form New Chargers like New Coke.
Falcons -7 ½ over Colts.  As Colts march towards the ALC – Andrew Luck Championship – fans notice the Emperor has no clothes.  This team stinks!!!  Are they going to cut the entire defense??
Chiefs -5 ½ over Dolphins.  Fish think they are the frontrunners for the ALC, but did not notice the Redskins are still on the schedule.  Tough to lose to a team that scores ZERO points.
49ers -3 ½ over the Redskins.  Niner linemen TiVo’ing game so agents can count the sacks to see if they get to 100.  Is it possible Alex Smith will be on the NFC Pro Bowl team???  ‘Skins will do their part!
Eagles -6 ½ over Bears.  5 Bears players still in London hanging out with the New Royal Couple trying to get autographs to put up on Ebay.
BONUS: Furniture in College Park is safe! BC 28-17 over Maryland.  Terps, a 7 ½ FAVORITE, have turned on their brand new coach.  What are the odds this week of a “bring back Fridge” chant starting.  +2 at home vs Virginia this week – bet your kid’s college $$$ on Yahoo’s.  NOVA are a fine chain of schools.
LEROY
Hello There Children,
Leroy in 'da house for your Week 9 NFL LOCKS !!!!! After returning from my bye week, I am not shocked at all to find out that the Church of Norman Chad is really the CHURCH OF SATAN !!! What other church would profess to give you LOSER AFTER LOSER EVERY WEEK !!!!!!!! But never fear.....the Pimp Daddy is back to exorcise those demons and give you WINNERS !!!!!!! If I learned one thing on my journey down souff, it's that NFL teams will break your heart. That's why they don't watch no NFL in SEC land. So this week it's time to bet against the heartbreakers...........so here we go....
 
-Denver (+9) @ Oakland
 My boy Carson Palmer is back and Jason Campbell is OUT !!!!! That ALONE should be enough to convince you to take the Raiders...but wait...it gets better......Denver has THE WORST QUARTERBACK IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL playing for them. Tim Tebow may love Jesus, but Jesus HATES LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lay the 9 and take OAKLAND !
 
-N.Y. Jets (+2) @ Buffalo
 I flew to Nashville from Baltimore by way of Atlanta with a Buffalo hoochie last weekend.....that's FOUR NFL cities covered in one weekend..........four FAKE CITIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
take the NEW YORK MONEYLINE !
 
-Chicago (+8) @ Philly
 Lets get sumthin' straight.....Leroy HATES Philly...HATES! HATES! HATES! them.....but I LUVS me some moolah !!!!!!!!!!!
lay the 8 and take PHILLY !
 
-San Fran (-3 1/2) @ Washington
 The BIGGEST heartbreak team of them all....my hometown Shitskins !!! This game has TRAP written ALL OVER IT. The 49ers are six and one, the skins couldn't score if there was NO defense on the field, Jeff Beck is taking time off from playing guitar so he can throw interceptions, I could go on FOREVER. But like I said in the introduction, NFL teams will break your heart....and San Fran is ONE OF THEM !!!
take the WASHINGTON MONEYLINE !
 
until next time...Happy Gambling,
 
Leroy



Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Redskins Former Coaches: Trick or Treat?

Jim Zorn, "Hip, Hip Hooray"
So after a fun night of "Trick or Treating" on Halloween,
I settled into watching the Monday Night Football game between San Diego and Kansas City.  It was just before halftime and there he was in all his glory.  Mr. "Stay Medium" Jim Zorn.  I forgot he was an assistant with the Chiefs.  But there he was looking as clueless as ever! It is nice to see a former Redskin coach looking clueless for another team.



Norv Turner, Mr. Excitement

But wait, on the other sideline was Norval Turner.  Bonus for disgruntled Redskins fans. Two former Redskin coaches in their "Prime" for other teams.  If Jim Zorn was "Mr. Stay Medium" than Norv was "Mr. Cold Fish".  I still have nightmares about his post game interviews.  Seeing him still gives me goose-bumps, which I guess is appropriate on Halloween night.



Marty "Frankly" Schottenheimer

Which leads me to my trifecta of former Redskin coaches, Marty "Frankly" Schottenheimer.  Yup, he was there up in the owners box.  What a treat, not One, Two but THREE former Redskin coaches in one place!  Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.

The real question is was this a Halloween Trick?  or Treat? Considering our current coach has a lower winner percentage than these three!!